will it always be this difficult?  will it always hurt this much? 

every time i see a father and a daughter sharing an intimate moment, whether real life or movie...it hurts.  a lot. 

i can't keep doing this.  i can't cry every time i think of him....

its almost the end of the week.  that makes me so very happy.  this has, by far, been the most stressful week this semester.  have 2 papers due tomorrow and i'm not real sure bout the one for victorian fiction but i feel good about my shakespeare paper. we'll see how that goes.  i'm just glad thats over with.  will make next week seem easy i'm sure.

what else..?  well, yesterday was cool.. jim called me after school from erica's and i went over there, picked them up and we went to applebees.. it wasn't so cool cuz both jim & erica were havin rough days.  after that, dropped jim off at one of his friend's and erica, kat and i went to see the terminal at movies 4.  prices went up but when its less than a buck for a movie, u can't really complain these days.  i was actually pretty impressed with the movie.  very good.  i would definately reccomend it. 

guess thats all for now.. 

peace

watching the VP debate.. i must say that i like our VP more than prez bush.. maybe i woulda had different opinion in this whole thing if Cheney had been prez..

ok so i had a good weekend.. friday i skipped my spanish class and went to olive garden with jim & erica.  after that, i came home, got online, made reservations at a hotel in fairmont and headed out.  took me about 3 or 3 1/2 hours to get down there.. checked into the hotel..in my room i looked thru the phone book for sumthin interesting to do bc at that point it was about 8 or so and i didn't wanna just sit in there all nite.. ended up goin "downtown" to this sweet little coffee shop.  i really liked it.  they had live music inside but i grabbed my mocha and sat out at this table in front of the place and wrote for a while.  there were a bunch of people sittin out there on these benches and i kinda talked to them a bit but i was pretty wrapped up in my writing..it was like..therapy or sumthin.  God was preparing my heart for the following day i guess.  anyways, i chilled there for a while and eventually headed back to my room.. wrote some more, read for a bit.  good nite i think.  i ended up sleepin in more than i'd wanted to saturday (rolled outta bed a lil after 9)..i got showered and ready to leave.. went to my dads old house.  it was the first time i was there by myself and i just completely broke down.  theres this headstone type thing by the tree that he wanted his ashes scattered at that my sister got when we all met down there in june.. i just stood there by the tree and cried.  i'm not sure how long i was there.  it started raining.  and stopped.  and i was still standing there.  finally made my way back down the hill and driveway to my car.  i really wanna do whatever it is i need to do to get all this crap with the property goin thru probate so that i can eventually (hopefully) get full ownership of the land.  i want to, one day, have the money to fix up that house..i know that it could be such a beautiful place again.  i want to make it sumthin that would've made my dad happy.

anyways, so i came home saturday.  got here about 4:30 and got changed into somewhat decent clothes..then headed up to cleveland around 6:30 with erica to see julius caesar at the playhouse theater.  i thought it was a rilly good peformance of the play.  much different than i ever would have imagined it.  went to luigis after that and then came home and crashed.  yesterday i basically spent the whole day workin on hw tho i don't really feel like i got anything done.  i hate that.  i wrote a paper on the play for extra credit, started a paper for victorian fiction, started a paper for shakespeare...did my spanish hw for friday and today...

now i'm just sitting here waiting for the people to bring our chair that they took away to fix...my victorian fiction class is cancelled again today but i have a conference with the prof. to go over my paper..or the the one and a half pages of my paper anyways.  think i'll come home after that cuz 3 hours would just kill...

oy.  well, i'm gonna go fix some breakfast type food..

peace

KERRY WON