i've only ever loved two men--my grandfather and my father. they both left me.
watching gilmore girls. rory's birthday. richard and emily (her grandparents) came to the party and all of a sudden i was crying...just thinking about my grandpa and all the awesome things about him...
but then i just stopped. i felt bad for missing my grandpa. like it would hurt my dad's feelings if he knew.
and then i was missing them both.
man...does the pain of losing someone ever rilly go away?
i'm at school right now.
today has been pretty good but i don't rilly feel like being here right now. or anywhere for that matter. i'm tired and i'd rather be at home in my nice warm bed asleep. ooo. sleep. yah. that would be nice. definately.
but no. i'm at school right now. i have class at 5:10. after that i go out to amanda's house for bible study which is always good so thats cool. then after that, i told erica that i would meet her and jim at b&n so we'll prolly be there for a while...
i almost skipped class. i rilly wanted to. but i'm here.
poo.
i'm bored. i should go be productive but i'm so out of it that i'm sure i'll just end up sitting there doing nothing.
this entry was pointless.
lo siento.
i got just over 3 hours of sleep last nite. i should be dead tired right about now (just got out of my sociology class) but that is not the case. we watched this video about the whole civil rights movement and it got me thinking about a lot of different things.
i wish i could remember more nouns but all i've got is selma, alabama. if a specific event, or rather a specific series of events, doesn't immediately come to mind, i would suggest a quick review of history because as much as some people would like to forget it happened, that period is very much a part of the US, and always will.
anyways, i just have this image in my head from the footage in the video: there was a group of demonstrators trying to march through town and the police were being absolutely ridiculous and were denying them basic constitutional rights. so this one guy in the group of demonstrators was speaking up. totally calm. never raised his voice once. he was very peaceful. he was just asking this guy (some sort of authority figure with the police, i believe) different questions... at one point he said that they just wanted to go down to the court house, not to go in, but to pray in front of it. jerk said prayer belongs in churches and told them to go back to their church. the demonstrator was still calm and just asked if they could pray right there. dude said 'go back to ur church.' asked if they could pray for him (the jerk). jerk said he didn't need their prayers. asked the jerk if he'd pray for them. jerk said he would not and said he would pray for himself & the demonstrators could pray for themselves and that their prayers prolly wouldn't get above their heads.
the whole time i just sat there fighting tears.
proud to be an american? i'm not. the history of this country is nothing to brag about and the present isn't lookin all that hot either.
**edit**
after re-reading my entry, i just wanted to add a couple of things... at the top of my xanga right now i have a verse from psalms which has always been one of my favorites (118:34). it has gotten me thru many rough days. i think this will probably be one of them. today has not been bad by any means but just thinking about stuff like the civil rights movement and everything those people had to go thru to get this country to the place its at now (far from perfect but much better)... i just have to remember that i am human and so were the people involved--on both sides. understanding the past is essential for moving towards a better future, but constantly dwelling on the bad things will make me a less than pleasant person..
thanx God for what we do have..
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