got the internship.

dropped a class.

this is gonna be an interesting semester.

whose idea was it to grow up?

certainly not mine..

life has somehow gone from a busy but very do-able summer to a crazy-hectic last semester. 

i'm on my way now to an interview for an internship.  (how the heck did i get here???)  then i work from 10-3 and from there i go to meet with my advisor to check with him about some graduation crap.  5:30-8:00 i will be in class.  and after that...i might just crash.

kat is home!!!!!!!

man...

so i was talking to kat a lil while ago and she is coming home (for a week) on the 24th. which is very cool. it's been too long. like..6 or 7 months long? is that right?? wow. crazy.

but anyway, she brought up the block party which will be that saturday after she gets here.. and that was just another bitter-sweet reminder that we're all growing up--another year has passed.

i guess it is true, what they say, that--the older you get, the faster time seems to slip away..

holy hannah this session is going fast.

tomorrow makes the start of the third week of the last summer session. i'd say i was sad that this summer is almost over but, i had no summer so there won't be anything much to miss. oh well.

but yeah--i'm really diggin this stephen king class. doesn't feel like work other than the sheer amount of reading assigned some nights.

kind of scary to think about it this way (good scary or bad, i'm not sure) but i only have 18 more weeks of undergrad school left.

woo----

so i've been talking to this guy for a little while now and i think i could maybe really start to like him but at the same time i don't know that i'm at a point where i should be even thinking about getting into any sort of relationship.

it's like...i want to have that person who calls just to ask how my day was...who remembers that i was reading the shining & knows that it was freaking me out. who says--we can watch silence of the lambs at 8 in the morning so you won't have nightmares.. who makes me laugh. who keeps me wondering. who challenges me to see things in a different way and encourages me to try things i don't think i can do. i want to have that person who trusts me, as well. who calls because he is upset about something and needs to talk. who tells me things he can't tell other people....

but then...there is also a part of me that knows how busy i am right now and how busy the next 6 months (or more!) are going to be. a part of me who wants to be able to look into the future and not feel weighted down by anything; ready to pick up and go wherever life leads...

i don't know where i am right now & i can't even begin to imagine where exactly i'll be a year from now but people are starting to think about relationships in a serious sort of way...looking for that someone to call their own. it is getting to that point where dating really is (at least in theory) potentially leading somewhere.

and i just don't know if i'm ready for all of that.

i mean, i'm not saying i think this guy (or any guy, necessarily) is looking to get *married* next year but i'm just wondering if i should be putting myself out there if i'm not necessarily willing to give that much of myself to begin with. and then again, i don't even know how interested this particular someone is at this point. so all of this wondering could be entirely pointless.

well, even if, let's say, he is semi-interested..and, let's say, something more could maybe happen here...is all of this wondering i'm doing really about what i'm saying it is? maybe i'm just flat out scared to get into something right now. maybe i'm just the stereotypical result of parents' divorce...or maybe these are just the ramblings of a girl who has spent a significant amount of time on the phone with a guy who really seems to be a genuinely good guy and is trying to somehow protect herself from the fall before she even steps out on the limb.

whatever the case may be, this girl needs to get some more reading done for that stephen king class of hers & then catch a few zzz's before it's time to get up & go to work.